The Stump Near the Stream: Humorous Lessons in Spirituality

“The Stump Near the Stream” uses humor to teach about metaphysics and spirituality and makes it both fun to learn and easy to integrate into your daily life. Its purpose is to inspire you to want to find out more about who you REALLY are and to become motivated enough to begin actively searching for your higher self.

You’ll learn

• What the physical body is, really … and why it’s so clingy.
• Death is not as real as it says it is. Tell it to take a hike.
• You can ask God as many questions as you like (you won’t be cut off).
• Why an artist is like a mailman … and it’s not because they both whistle.
• Who has a bigger brain, you or God?

EXCERPTS FROM “THE STUMP NEAR THE STREAM”

CHAPTER ONE SYNOPSIS: Stump recites a really long poem … the reviews are not good. Stump talks about how everything in nature contains symbols. Ms. Horse wonders who she is and what her “me” is made out of. The friends discuss whether or not the brain still exists after we die? Mary visits and explains why The Stream is far beyond needing a brain. Mary talks about the incredible capacity of The Stream and why it’s a good idea to listen to its advice. Hooty drops by. Mr. Cow reveals that he might be the reincarnation of The Lamb.

Mr. Cow:  Mary how can anyone exist without a brain? You’d be lying on the ground saying to yourself “If only I could move” . . . . but you could never move, because you don’t have a brain.

Actually, you couldn’t even be thinking about moving without your brain. You’d be lying there with no thoughts . . . . and you could never make plans to get up.

Mary: The brain is a simple physical device that the “ME” uses. Each of our bodies is like an eye that our “me” uses to see in this physical world. The brain is used to help move the eye around and look about.

The brain is not really a big deal. It’s much more complex than what WE consider to be complex, but it’s really not very complicated compared to what the “me” is.

The brain is like two pieces of wood glued together compared to the technology of the “me”.

CHAPTER TWO SYNOPSIS: Stump has an appointment with Dr. Rooster. Dr. Rooster warns Stump to have his payment (chocolate) ready before their next session. Stump tells Dr. Rooster about how wonderful it is to listen to The Stream and how it has changed his life. He also talks about how Mary teaches he and his friends about who they really are and how to connect with their higher self. Stump talks about his past fears about death. Dr. Rooster walks into The Stream and hops around to prove that it doesn’t talk … and that there are no fish in it. Dr. Rooster gets upset and angry when Stump refuses to take the herbal drops that the doctor has prescribed to him.

CHAPTER THREE SYNOPSIS: Stump talks to Ms. Horse about how frustrating his appointment was with Dr. Rooster was. Stump compares delivering poetry to being a mailman. Mr. Cow drops by. The gang discusses which of them is the most evolved … Stump is automatically eliminated. Ms. Horse and Mr. Cow present their case to Stump as to why he should vote for them. Stump has a tantrum about being a tree stump and not even being able to move. Ms. Horse and Mr. Cow are worried about suddenly dying before they have a chance to say a “repenting” prayer. Stump talks about how poetry can be healing. Mr. Cow recites a poem that he made up years ago.

Ms. Horse: Stump, please stop whining for a minute, and tell us who you think is the more evolved … a horse or a cow.

Mr. Cow: Remember cows give milk.

Ms. Horse: Horses do TOO. What do you think we feed our babies? Do you think we just squeeze an APPLE?

Mr. Cow: Horse milk. That’s a popular drink.

Ms. Horse: It’s better than COW’S milk. That stuff is garbage.

Mr. Cow: That must be why everybody drinks it.

Ms. Horse: It’s cheap, that’s why. It’s like baloney.

Mr. Cow: What about meat? Horse meat sucks!

Ms. Horse: It’s not that horse meat tastes bad, it’s just that horses are seen by people as being beautiful and evolved. To eat one is a crime, almost cannibalism. You’d be PUNISHED if you ate a horse. No one gives a shit about eating a COW. Whoever shed a tear about that? If you told a little girl chewing on a hamburger it was a horsie she was eating, SHE’D CRY. If you told her it was a cow, SHE’D LAUGH . . . . “hee hee . . . . you’re making me laugh.”

Mr. Cow: So I guess they only use horse meat for important things like cat food.

Ms. Horse: The only horse meat that ends up in a can of cat food is from horses that were KIDNAPPED by poachers. And the reason the cat food companies want the horse meat is to KILL the taste of the cow meat that’s already in there. It’s their love of CATS that forces them to do that.

CHAPTER FOUR SYNOPSIS: Reverend Quail gives a sermon on the topic of “sacrifice.” He suggests to his congregation that not sacrificing will result in a trip to eternal Hell. He points out that The Big Sea has a massive brain compared to anyone living on Earth, so maybe it’s a good idea to listen to its advice. The Reverend solicits chocolate from his congregation by spinning a story of how it’s The Big Sea’s idea and that they would be paid back by The Big Sea many times over. He emphasizes that this request came directly from The Big Sea.

CHAPTER FIVE SYNOPSIS: Super atheist Squinty Squirrel explains to his friends how The Big Sea cannot possibly exist. Squinty says that love is no different than two atoms being attracted to each other because of their positive and negative charges. Ms. Horse points out that it if you look around it’s obvious that there is a wondrous Creator. Squinty says that The Big Sea is a farce and that people would benefit far more by listening to him. Ms. Horse calls the “Big Bang Theory” nonsensical. Squinty suggests that he may start a new religion called Squintology that will free animals from their delusions. Stump and his friends wonder how there can be both “time” and “no time” … “space” and “no space.” They try and figure out a way to ask The Stream to clarify how both can exist without insulting it. Ms. Horse volunteers to ask it.

The Stump: Sometimes you sense what The Stream says is true. It just kind of clicks.

But the time and space, it never really clicked. Who could buy that one?

Squinty Squirrel: This is a DREAM come TRUE.

My waterlogged FRIENDS have chosen to CLIMB into the DINGY. They will not drown after all in the chill BEATEN lake.

Squinty, you are the MASTER!

Ms. Horse: You had NOTHING to do with this! Do you think we’re questioning The Stream because of your long winded rifts of gas? Think again!

Squinty Squirrel: 

“The farmer TILLS the soil
and PLANTS the SEEDS
and the flowers thank
the shady TREES.”

EXCERPTS FROM “MR. COW FREAKS OUT”

CHAPTER ONE SYNOPSIS: Mary tells Stump and his friends what it’s like in the place of timelessness. Mary attempts teach her students that there is life after death and that death is simply a graduation. Mr. Cow believes that death is a place where you keep going more insane every day. Mary urges her students to send soft gentle prayers into The Stream because they are more pleasant to listen to than serious loud ones. Mr. Cow disagrees and says it’s important to have a loud prayer. Mary suggests that Mr. Cow and Hooty say a loud prayer and then a soft one and her fish friends in The Stream will let them know which one is more effective. During his prayer, Mr. Cow loses it. The Stream tells Mary that Mr. Cow is being authentic for the first time in his life, and that it’s a wonderful moment.

Mr. Cow: How about dying . . . you must be afraid of that?

Mary: Not at all Mr. Cow. What you consider dying to be, and what I consider dying to be, are two completely different things. I look upon death as a simple graduation.

There’s nothing scary about it.

Mr. Cow: No more Mary – you call THAT graduating?

Mary: I’ll still be very much alive after I graduate. What we call Mary is just a physical fish body that my “ me” expresses through on this plane in this particular moment of time.

I’ll still be “me” . . . the real Mary . . . when I leave this fish body behind.

Mr. Cow: Hmmmm . . . happy about death.

Mary: You’ll still be who you are when your focus leaves your cow body. In an instant you will remember why you were here on Earth, realize what you have learned, and recognize the areas in which you have grown. From there, your education and growth will continue.

Mr. Cow: Death is real Mary. It’s like when you’re lying in your hay at night, and you dream about getting up and going to the bathroom. In the morning, you seriously wish you had.

CHAPTER TWO SYNOPSIS: Mrs. Barnett plants a rose beside Stump. Rose and Stump introduce themselves to each other. Rose reveals that she can hear The Stream but is confused about what The Stream is. Stump tells her a bit about the Stream as well as the history of The Lamb. Rose tells Stump that The Stream wants to talk to her … so they end their conversation. Stump writes a poem for Rose. The Stream teaches Rose how becoming more aware is like playing golf. They discuss the concept of reincarnation.

CHAPTER THREE SYNOPSIS: Guru “Clear Dribblet Benny Singh” gives a talk to a group of his followers. The topic of his talk is the importance of being truthful to oneself in the spiritual journey. Benny emphasizes that the lies we tell ourselves will keep us trapped in the illusion of life. He says that the most important element of growth is willingness. He goes into great detail about how young children pick up the unconscious patterns of their parents and how that shapes their lives. Benny Singh emphasizes that in order to discover your true self, willingness and action are crucial. He ends with a skit about Death attempting to take him from this world. Benny focuses on his “me” and Death keeps disappearing.

Benny Singh: A little child, a tiny dog, a small rabbit, or a fawn . . . . or something like that, is born into the world. The wonderful world.

And hopefully its mother survives the trauma of giving birth, and the small one is united with its caring mother, and they hug and have happy moments celebrating the new partnership that is taking place in Mother Nature’s most mysterious womb.

What is happening at this moment besides the smiling FACES?

Are there unconscious desires and wishes being transfered from mother to her offspring?

Are the little foxes or wolves with their thirsty bellies being breast fed milk by their mother’s TEATS . . . . and at the same time the thirsty unconscious of the little animals being breast fed by the mother’s SUBCONSCIOUS . . . . her desires, frustrations and EXPECTATIONS?

The answer is yes.

I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE SOME WEIRD DAMN THINGS GOING ON!

That poor little one’s mind is wide OPEN and welcoming the unconscious identity that is pouring into it!

CHAPTER FOUR SYNOPSIS: Squinty and Rose meet for the first time. Stump and Rose talk about the importance of trust. Squinty mocks them for believing that trust existing as well as believing that there’s a Big Sea. He sarcastically gives evidence that trust does not exist. Squinty describes what Hell must be like and offers some suggestions on how it can be improved. Rose attempts to get Squinty to understand that there is life after death and that his sister Utica is still alive. She invites him to join her and Stump in their search for higher truth.

CHAPTER FIVE SYNOPSIS: Ms. Horse informs her friends that her new boyfriend Oink is coming by to take her to a concert. Squinty mocks Ms. Horse for dating a pig. The group discusses sexuality and it turns out that Stump and Mr. Cow are not clear on which gender they are. Stump explains that tree sex is the most complicated thing in nature. Stump talks about the importance of universal qualities like trust, love and patience. Squinty mocks qualities and informs his friends that they must follow the “Empirical Rule” … if you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Stump and Ms. Horse sing a song about love. Oink shows up and starts bullying everyone. Mr. Cow faints. Squinty taunts Oink and Oink starts chasing him. Stump asks Ms. Horse what she can possibly see in such a brute. Ms. Horse talks about Oink’s tender side.

Ms. Horse: Qualities are REAL jerk ass! It doesn’t matter what YOU say or believe . . . thank The Sea for that!

Squinty Squirrel: They’re REAL. WHY. . . because you SAY they are?

Ms. Horse: Are they NOT real because YOU say they’re NOT?

Squinty Squirrel: THE EMPIRICAL RULE! THE EMPIRICAL RULE! “If you CAN’T SEE IT, it DOESN’T EXIST!” It’s SO SIMPLE! It’s FAR too large to MISS!!

Mr. Cow and Ms. Horse . . . . would you climb to the top of a very tall TOWER . . . . FAR into the sky . . . . and then clearly follow my instructions to climb over the RAILING into the BASKET of a hot AIR balloon?

Mr. Cow: I’m afraid of heights.

Squinty Squirrel: What if you WEREN’T afraid of heights?

Mr. Cow: Ahh . . . that would be … mmm …

Squinty Squirrel: . . . Ms. HORSE . . . . would YOU climb into the hot AIR balloon?

Ms. Horse: First, tell me what the catch is.

Squinty Squirrel: The “catch” is that you cannot SEE the balloon. It is INVISIBLE. But you would KNOW it is truly THERE . . . . because I SAID it was.

You would have to TRUST me.